why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
