I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I am morally bankrupt
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
