I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
