well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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