I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
did you just send me my own nude
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