girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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