haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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