my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
