I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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