Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
