UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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