I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
