how can u be prego again
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
