Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
