All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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