she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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