Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
