He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
