Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
