No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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