I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize