i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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