you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
