I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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