the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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