You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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