my sisters under your porch take her home
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
