Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
