So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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