he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
