so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
