We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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