I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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