Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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