ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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