found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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