My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
