It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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