so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
