I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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