It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
