So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
