Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize