we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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