cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
