dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
