I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
