tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
