pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
