I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
