apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
