there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
