No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize