apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
