He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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