I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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