I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
