what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
