you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
