hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
