My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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