So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
