Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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