Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
