I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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