This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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