I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
