Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
