Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
