in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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