hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
