Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
