I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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