well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
