Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
