A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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