If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
