Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
