Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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