im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
