i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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