I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize